C and M are indeed Canadian, but they love New York (and each other). On their previous trip to New York, they got engaged, so it seemed fitting to come back and do a small Central Park wedding. C's sister and brother-in-law completed the package--they served as witnesses, photographer and videographer.
On the day of the wedding, the clouds cleared and the rain (finally!) stopped for a while. We five walked into the park, to a small clearing the couple had found, right above the Delacorte Theater. There, as you might guess, I married them up good. The ceremony focused on love, friendship and commitment. I wish you all could have seen M's face as he gazed at his beautiful bride. If only I could bottle that!
It was a perfect morning wedding in the park.
Did you know that you do not need to be a New Yorker to get married here? It's pretty straightforward--check here for a few details. There is a 24 hour waiting period before you can be married, and the City Clerk is closed on weekends and holidays, so you do need to plan ahead a bit, but really, it is quite simple to do. Why not get married on the Brooklyn Bridge? Or on the Promenade in Brooklyn Heights? I also have a few secret locations around town. If you want to say your wedding vows in a kayak, Reverend Shari is your go-to girl.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
L and K: Reverend Shari performs a Jewish wedding with Hindu flavor
L and K were married in a country club setting in Queens, NY. K is originally from Trinidad, where the couple will have a full Hindu wedding next year; L is from Queens and wanted a Jewish wedding. There are not too many rabbis who will perform an interfaith service, but there is a secret that they do not tell you: in a Jewish wedding, the groom offers to cherish the bride, and the bride agrees to accept the groom. This is (since olden times) the purpose of the ring: if she refuses it, she refuses the marriage. By accepting it in front of witnesses, she seals the deal. The role of the meseder kidushin (wedding officiant) is to be able to read and execute the written contract (ketubah). Don't forget, this is a very old ritual, and reading, especially in a language used only for prayer, was not necessarily a priority back in those days. The rabbi was the most likely person in town who could read and who knew the rules about who was allowed to marry whom, etc. Many people see the ketubah as an antiquated document; they see it as tantamount to "selling" the bride to the groom for the price of a ring. But remember, when Jewish weddings were being conducted by ketubah, weddings in other parts of the world were conducted with no regard for the bride's wishes or rights. (This remains true in some places today.) The ketubah spells out the terms for divorce (a living wage basically) and that the groom must do his part to care for his bride appropriately.
Anyway, back to L and K. As you know, I am not a rabbi; I am an interfaith minister, exploring all that is best in all religions. But I can daven real good. And I can sing the Sheva Berachot with great gusto and in tune. L and K stood under the chuppah and had a mix of Hebrew and English, with a nod to some Hindu traditions as well. The assembled guests knew when to respond "Amen" because I gave them the Teacher Look, so they were able to participate in calling down God's blessings on the couple. There was an unfortunate premature breaking of a whole bottle of kosher grape juice, but thankfully Reverend Shari uses white grape!
Seeing L and K wrapped together in my giant tallit was quite beautiful. I said a final blessing, L broke the glass, and everyone responded with a hearty "Mazel Tov!" I think the mix was just right.
If you think that the way to deal with interfaith relationships is to make the goyishe spouse feel left out and unwanted, I disagree. I think we must welcome them from the very first day--the wedding day--if not as members of the tribe, then as lovers of members of the tribe. Love is good.
Anyway, back to L and K. As you know, I am not a rabbi; I am an interfaith minister, exploring all that is best in all religions. But I can daven real good. And I can sing the Sheva Berachot with great gusto and in tune. L and K stood under the chuppah and had a mix of Hebrew and English, with a nod to some Hindu traditions as well. The assembled guests knew when to respond "Amen" because I gave them the Teacher Look, so they were able to participate in calling down God's blessings on the couple. There was an unfortunate premature breaking of a whole bottle of kosher grape juice, but thankfully Reverend Shari uses white grape!
Seeing L and K wrapped together in my giant tallit was quite beautiful. I said a final blessing, L broke the glass, and everyone responded with a hearty "Mazel Tov!" I think the mix was just right.
If you think that the way to deal with interfaith relationships is to make the goyishe spouse feel left out and unwanted, I disagree. I think we must welcome them from the very first day--the wedding day--if not as members of the tribe, then as lovers of members of the tribe. Love is good.
G and N: Reverend Shari performs her first legal same-sex wedding in Greenwich, CT!
You gotta love the great state of Connecticut!
I married G and N in a beautiful bed and breakfast in Old Greenwich. They wanted a traditional wedding and a good sprinkle of Bible, and that is what they got (Corinthians: Love is patient, love is kind... and Song of Songs: Arise my beloved...). I also included (as always) some personal notes about the couple and their friends and family. Reverend Shari was upstaged by the most adorable reader ever: Flower Girl A, who read a lovely definition of marriage. Brother Q also gave a heartfelt, creative reading, and later made a perfect Champagne toast about how to live, love and laugh. The front room of the bed and breakfast offered a long staircase with turned spindles, perfect for N and the bridal party to walk down. The staircase also had a large landing, about 3 steps up, which served as the perfect stage. Photographer Kim has a few shots up already on her blog. She and her partner were awfully busy getting all the shots inside, on the porch, on the lawn--I can't wait to see the rest of the photos--her work is always amazing.
Kim and I congratulated each other on our first LEGAL same-sex wedding. We agreed that it's well worth it to go to CT to do the deed--call us if you can't wait for your state to pass a gay marriage bill. The inn in question sleeps 45 and the front room can handle 80 or so if necessary. The porch would be another perfect location for a small wedding. The beach is nearby, as are many wonderful restaurants.
So, rock on, great state of Connecticut, and best wishes to G and N for a long, happy, healthy life together.
Y and J: Reverend Shari performs a Spanish wedding!
Reverend Shari can marry you up good in Spanish.
Y and J were a lovely young couple, both of Dominican origin. They did not want to get married in church, but rather in the living room of their uncle's house. They wanted a ceremony that expressed blessing, but did not call on any particular God's name. Although both were fluent in English, some family members were not. They wanted the ceremony to be understood by all present, and so chose an all-Spanish wedding.
It was beautiful. The bride, the groom, the family, the friends--all were warm and welcoming. We filled the living room of the house to bursting, and I did the whole ceremony in Spanish. For a special touch, the bride and groom read a poem back and forth to each other (and I rested my tongue a minute).
Although my Spanish on-the-fly is a bit telegraphic (More beer! No touch! Need bathroom!) my prepared, rehearsed reading of Spanish is quite good. All assembled were impressed with "La Pastora Americana" and some even thought I actually grew up speaking Spanish.
I will admit to being nervous--I mean, Hebrew prayers are one thing, but Spanish? However, I set my intention, practiced, and it was wonderful.
So, now, Reverend Shari offers boda en espanol. Verdad!
Y and J were a lovely young couple, both of Dominican origin. They did not want to get married in church, but rather in the living room of their uncle's house. They wanted a ceremony that expressed blessing, but did not call on any particular God's name. Although both were fluent in English, some family members were not. They wanted the ceremony to be understood by all present, and so chose an all-Spanish wedding.
It was beautiful. The bride, the groom, the family, the friends--all were warm and welcoming. We filled the living room of the house to bursting, and I did the whole ceremony in Spanish. For a special touch, the bride and groom read a poem back and forth to each other (and I rested my tongue a minute).
Although my Spanish on-the-fly is a bit telegraphic (More beer! No touch! Need bathroom!) my prepared, rehearsed reading of Spanish is quite good. All assembled were impressed with "La Pastora Americana" and some even thought I actually grew up speaking Spanish.
I will admit to being nervous--I mean, Hebrew prayers are one thing, but Spanish? However, I set my intention, practiced, and it was wonderful.
So, now, Reverend Shari offers boda en espanol. Verdad!
Reverend Shari explains it all
This is what I was thinking about when I woke up this morning:
Religion: all cultures seem to have some, as far as I can tell. Culture and religion are often intertwined and it's hard to know where one begins and the other ends. In the best scenario, religion makes us stronger and better. We all know what happens in the worst scenario. Is there a God who watches us? or one who set the universe in motion and then keeps hands off? Is there no God? Many gods?
so I rolled over and went back to sleep.
Ritual: some people say that ritual without belief is hollow or wrong. I know that for me, ritual has meaning that is independent of faith. Ritual gives shape to our days and our years. Would you start a new semester with old notebooks? Not me. The ritual of purchasing notebooks, pens, perhaps a special accessory is part of preparing my mind for the new term. It marks the importance of the fresh start at hand.
Similarly, when I marry a couple, I try to make the service fit the needs and desires of each of them. I encourage them to respect the religions, traditions and rituals of their families of origin. Legally, I can marry you up in a minute or two (cue the rushed sitcom wedding--"I do," "I do" "Inowpronounceyouhusbandandwife youmaykissthebride") but why not make it as meaningful to you both as it can be?
My own wedding vows were straight up Jewish. I met the rabbi that day (we were using a synagogue with a catering hall, not the local rabbi I grew up with) and held the napkin without really knowing what was happening. The words that he said under the chuppah were a mix of ritually required (all good with that!) and puzzlingly odd platitudes on the nature of marriage. Something about a house with no doors you can only get in from inside...huh? One of his pronouncements was later found on a box of Celestial Seasoning tea!
Years later, I watched my cousins get married by a Justice of the Peace on Cape Cod. That was a job I wanted! To stand with a couple on one of the most hopeful, special days of their life--to use the power of my voice to actually create a new relationship! I kept this dream on the back burner for over 15 years, but now, finally, I am doing it. Reverend Shari will marry you up good!
Religion: all cultures seem to have some, as far as I can tell. Culture and religion are often intertwined and it's hard to know where one begins and the other ends. In the best scenario, religion makes us stronger and better. We all know what happens in the worst scenario. Is there a God who watches us? or one who set the universe in motion and then keeps hands off? Is there no God? Many gods?
so I rolled over and went back to sleep.
Ritual: some people say that ritual without belief is hollow or wrong. I know that for me, ritual has meaning that is independent of faith. Ritual gives shape to our days and our years. Would you start a new semester with old notebooks? Not me. The ritual of purchasing notebooks, pens, perhaps a special accessory is part of preparing my mind for the new term. It marks the importance of the fresh start at hand.
Similarly, when I marry a couple, I try to make the service fit the needs and desires of each of them. I encourage them to respect the religions, traditions and rituals of their families of origin. Legally, I can marry you up in a minute or two (cue the rushed sitcom wedding--"I do," "I do" "Inowpronounceyouhusbandandwife youmaykissthebride") but why not make it as meaningful to you both as it can be?
My own wedding vows were straight up Jewish. I met the rabbi that day (we were using a synagogue with a catering hall, not the local rabbi I grew up with) and held the napkin without really knowing what was happening. The words that he said under the chuppah were a mix of ritually required (all good with that!) and puzzlingly odd platitudes on the nature of marriage. Something about a house with no doors you can only get in from inside...huh? One of his pronouncements was later found on a box of Celestial Seasoning tea!
Years later, I watched my cousins get married by a Justice of the Peace on Cape Cod. That was a job I wanted! To stand with a couple on one of the most hopeful, special days of their life--to use the power of my voice to actually create a new relationship! I kept this dream on the back burner for over 15 years, but now, finally, I am doing it. Reverend Shari will marry you up good!
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