L and K: Reverend Shari performs a Jewish wedding with Hindu flavor

L and K were married in a country club setting in Queens, NY. K is originally from Trinidad, where the couple will have a full Hindu wedding next year; L is from Queens and wanted a Jewish wedding. There are not too many rabbis who will perform an interfaith service, but there is a secret that they do not tell you: in a Jewish wedding, the groom offers to cherish the bride, and the bride agrees to accept the groom. This is (since olden times) the purpose of the ring: if she refuses it, she refuses the marriage. By accepting it in front of witnesses, she seals the deal. The role of the meseder kidushin (wedding officiant) is to be able to read and execute the written contract (ketubah). Don't forget, this is a very old ritual, and reading, especially in a language used only for prayer, was not necessarily a priority back in those days. The rabbi was the most likely person in town who could read and who knew the rules about who was allowed to marry whom, etc. Many people see the ketubah as an antiquated document; they see it as tantamount to "selling" the bride to the groom for the price of a ring. But remember, when Jewish weddings were being conducted by ketubah, weddings in other parts of the world were conducted with no regard for the bride's wishes or rights. (This remains true in some places today.) The ketubah spells out the terms for divorce (a living wage basically) and that the groom must do his part to care for his bride appropriately.

Anyway, back to L and K. As you know, I am not a rabbi; I am an interfaith minister, exploring all that is best in all religions. But I can daven real good. And I can sing the Sheva Berachot with great gusto and in tune. L and K stood under the chuppah and had a mix of Hebrew and English, with a nod to some Hindu traditions as well. The assembled guests knew when to respond "Amen" because I gave them the Teacher Look, so they were able to participate in calling down God's blessings on the couple. There was an unfortunate premature breaking of a whole bottle of kosher grape juice, but thankfully Reverend Shari uses white grape!

Seeing L and K wrapped together in my giant tallit was quite beautiful. I said a final blessing, L broke the glass, and everyone responded with a hearty "Mazel Tov!" I think the mix was just right.

If you think that the way to deal with interfaith relationships is to make the goyishe spouse feel left out and unwanted, I disagree. I think we must welcome them from the very first day--the wedding day--if not as members of the tribe, then as lovers of members of the tribe. Love is good.